P.S.
I have 8 years clean & sober, and have seen both healthy relationships and sick disasters originate from around the tables.

The members instantly got into my sex life yet no one can answer me what the sex inventory is for? They want to know all your personal business to exploit your weaknesses and then they turn their backs on you which happens after the club knows you have been through the steps with a sponsor. I was often told that I didn’t know what I thought if I did it was wrong, I didn’t know what I felt, and to go against my gut instincts. I tried this honestly on to be humiliated and made an ass out of by these people, and all I got was very sick emotionally, mentally, physically, finacially, and spiritually which is abuse. I was told I must be doing it wrong; it was me, what is my part? My part is I wanted a solution to the problems associated with alcoholism and all I was give were lies from day one.

The worst part is the other members both men and women don’t care about anyone in their clubs 13-stepping newcomers? I over-heard an old-timer who everyone thinks is a saint laughing about a married man who is “still” 13-stepping newcomers. This group of old-timers were laughing about it and didn’t know or care if I was there? I have heard that if a woman gets raped they would make her 4th/5th step it and find her part in it where what part based on self did she place herself in a position to be hurt; basically she has to take the blame?

There is zero accountability in AA and having first names only is a convience to commit crimes against newcomers. Watch the difference of treatment to the pretty young lady especially if she appears to have money over the woman who has missing teeth and lived on the streets. If you try to speak up about anything that is questionable you are told, “it is none of your business”? I was taught when people are harming other people with intent and purpose to do so it is my business whether it is myself or others.

They work on silence, isolaton, denial, and rigid rules which is the basis to encourage dysfunctional behaviors associated with alcoholism these are used to bend all the dogma of AA to fit their needs and excuse their behavior and they teach other people to do this too? You are suppose to go to your sponsor to make life-choices, which creates triangles between people and is a known practice to cause serious communication breakdowns.

I think that AA is really meetings for sick people to prey on other people for everything under the sun. I can’t even give details here about my experience, but it was devasting. The part AA doesn’t understand is I don’t have to keep their secrets, because this man was suppose to be a life-long friend we know many mutual people outside of AA. The people who know us both and who honestly care about me with real concern went out of their way to ask me questions about my experience with this person and AA; like normal people do when they care about a person.

Whereas, AA doesn’t talk to anyone about their real problems, God is solving all of those for you? You are only allowed to talk their dogma and be grateful for AA. It is a small world and you should always be careful how you treat anyone, because what goes on in public and behind closed doors does matter to the “higher power” of the God they preach.

There are many non-AA people who are not impressed with this person’s continued behavior outside of the program and AA’s ways don’t fly in the real world, so I will let God work in mysterious ways. I think the 13-step is the biggest well-known, secret lie of AA. Also, I will continue to speak out about my experience with AA and possibly save lives by keeping others out of what I see to be a cult under the guise of a non-profit organization that is making huge profits off of people who are broken. Broken people are so desperate to feel better they are an easy target for devious people.

To me what the 12-steps basically are is to make a person believe they are completely powerless over alcohol, their thoughts, their feelings, and their life. Turn their life over to the power of AA dogma. Empty all of your old thoughts out of your mind and fill it with thought/feeling-stopping slogans and Big Book dogma and then recruit new members into the cirlce to be exploited. If you don’t throughly follow their path you will die or go insane? To me those are all the signs of a cult.

AA and the 12-steps do make a huge profit off of other people’s misery with no “real” solutions to any problems associated with alcholism. That is why their failure rate of 95% is so high not “rarely do we see a person fail who throughly followed our path”; they see more failure than long-term success of 3-5% who think they are special? They are the ones exploiting the newcomers and they know it with intent.

In meetings I often heard Einstein quoted as saying, “Insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results”. Which is funny, because doing the 12-steps over and over while living by the first 164 pages of the Big Book over and over for the rest of your life expecting different results must lead to insanity in itself.

Lauren, if you seriously wanted to curb 13th stepping, I would consider filing a complaint to an AA club manager or anyone in authority at the club or a trusted servant(if the meeting is not at a club). THIS SHOULD BE STOPPED! I hope it’s helpful, Happy Holidays!

I’m 19 years old and found my way into the rooms of AA at the age of 17. I spent my first 6 months in AA bouncing from relapse to relapse, all the while in a “relationship” with another member, who had even less sobriety than I did.

What a mistake. We had met at my first outside meeting out of rehab; i had about a month sober. At the time, he lied to me and told me he had four months. Within a week, as sick and lonely as i was at the time, we were skipping meetings together to sleep with eachother. I eventually learned that when we had first met, he had just come back from a crack relapse…

Lesson number one about relationships within the first year of sobriety, without having worked the steps… Neither he nor I had any capacity to be honest with eachother. At all.
As time went by, i learned firsthand about his rageful, violent side. Still not having worked any kind of program, i was incredibly empty, and stayed with him despite the pain. I felt i was nothing without him. And I ended up cheating on him countless times. At the time, I truely felt that a “hook up” was all i was worth or good for.
Lesson number two… you end up making the other person, or even sex your higher power.

Needless to say, things continued to go downhill. My relapses were taking me to harder drugs and scarier situations. Soon after we broke up, i was sexually assaulted in a blackout by my drug dealer.
This was the night before my 18th birthday.

It was a horrible experience, but one that I am at least grateful for. Because I then got sober the following morning, on my 18th birthday, and have been clean and sober ever since. I knew i had a lot of issues I needed outside help with, and checked myself into a long term 12 rehab for 14 months. I was able to get a sponsor, and work the steps.

Now I’m out of treatment and back in my hometown. It’s been an incredible experience, coming home, and getting to look through different eyes at some of the people and situations i was in… Its scary sometimes. I thank god every day that I dont have to be that person anymore.

I now have a sponsee of my own, and i feel so protective of her. I’m trying to put her in touch with other young girls serious about sobriety and self respect. Somethings that I really value now.

I actually discussed my relationship with my abusive ex with my therapist today. I’ve been infuriated to know that, despite him having over a year of sobriety, he continues to prey upon the new girls. It was absolutely enraging when a newcomer informed me that he was trying to sleep with her against her will.

So i’m working on getting some of the more sober women together to get some support in confronting his abusive behavior, and put a stop to his 13th stepping. I may not be able to make a difference, but at least he’ll know his behavior wont be tolerated by us women anymore.

I thank god for giving me the courage to be part of the solution today, instead of part of the problem.

If anyone has any ideas about how to curb 13th stepping at meetings, i would love to hear it. I feel so protective of the other young women at meetings, and I want to do whatever is within my power to encourage self respect, dignity, and focus on recovery. It took a lot of pain for me to see how abusive I was with 13th stepping people, and how abused I let myself be. I would like to do what i can to help these girls make better choices than I have.

Thank you,
Lauren K

Anyone I sponsor will be fired for 13 stepping or dating the first year since I didn’t do it. I think that should be enforced although it was not mentioned in the book.