Dr Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

I don’t usually follow talent shows because the final choice is quite often unexpected. Nevertheless, as I flicked onto one of the American Idol shows with Adam Lambert performing, my hair stood on end at the talent of this man. His voice and performance was iconic. Every time there was a new segment I watched with anticipation and recommended it to others.

He is a star in the making and everyone who watched him with me agreed. We got goosebumps everytime he performed. He may have sometimes looked Gothic and with his black nailpolish could be misinterpreted but he was pure talent and the judges even gave him standing ovations. Adam changed his appearance to suit the genre assigned for that particular show, and any mentor supervising their performances could only confirm the enormity of his unique talent.

At that stage rumours abounded that he was gay too. Nevertheless, his talent was undoubtedly iconic no matter what his sexual preferences were.  I expected that Americans would be far more progressive than they proved to be in the final vote.

When Adam did not win American Idol even the winner, Kris Allen, admitted he expected Adam deserved the award. Kris, the winner was talented in a traditional way but Adam was undoubtedly exceptional.  I even taped his performances, something I had not done ever before. I imagined he was this generation’s Elvis Presley or Freddie Mercury, yet he fit in with KISS and Santana in the final show.

So when he did not win, I was convinced America’s bible belt had pushed for a majority vote against him.  I could just here the religious leaders saying to their parishners “make sure everyone votes for someone other than Adam who will lead our youth astray”.

Then Adam made it known that he is gay and good for him.

Well, it was obviously a prejudiced vote and I pledged I would not watch American Idol again.
And I haven’t since. Americans need to lift their game or they will be seen by the rest of the world as being
backwards. No wonder more and more people are turning away from religions.

So Adam, you will exceed and there are many worldwide who can see your talent and we are waiting for your CDs. I am looking forward to the day that you become the star you deserve to be. And you will be.

Energy can seem to disappear when motivation becomes low. It is important not to hand over our power to the negative feelings which are also affected by negative associations. Notice how invincible we feel when motivation is high and we then have the energy to reach great achievements. So when motivation waxes and wanes we need to remember that it is a natural occurrence and not allow ourselves to over react one way or the other. Some strategies are listening to relaxing music, writing, reading, dancing, drawing, yoga, walking and many other options including regular medication as required, meeting with people we like, discussing our state with a therapist, mentor or priest. Quite often lack of motivation can create problems in recovery from obsessive compulsions and it becomes extremely hard to stay committed to the program we have chosen. At such times, rather than resort to substance or process abuse to relieve our pain, we can use whatever has worked in the past that results in a healthy outcome.

I have had some minor health problems lately
and this had affected my motivation causing
it to wax and wane
so I gave myself permission to take it easy
and I repeated affirmations such as
I am a magnate for good health
I am a magnate for a happy secure life
because otherwise I could be absorbed by
the negativity of ill health
already I am finding myself more motivated

Up and down 1, photo by sanja gjenero, Zagreb, Croatia

No matter how happy we are living alone we need love and music to keep us alive and happy. Notice how feelings change when we put music on. When the music is adagio, the heart warms and the serotonin is released making us relax. The same applies to other music such as some Chopin or Mozart, once played in psychiatric wards to calm the patients. Heavy metal music although popular with some youth, I found creates hostile behaviour. Romantic and country music may create more depression in lonely or depressed people. Admittedly, there are some who are affected differently than others. Nevertheless, one of most healing processes is love with soothing music or even Latin American – think of how many times the tune ‘Sway‘ has been popular over the decades.

as I spent many hours studying
sometimes bored, sometimes stressed
I put on some classical music to calm me
one such CD was Mozart and one melody in particular
grabbed my heart, figuratively speaking,
like no other had ever done before
in checking it out, it was one of his adagio melodies
more research with other composers resulted in
discovering more adagio pieces with the same result
so I decided that something that could bring out
loving feelings similar to what chocolate or a lover does
deserves to be my surname
what better way to choose a name!

When we are injured physically or emotionally (burnout) the recovery process takes some time and we need to give ourselves permission to veg out and rest in order to heal. Sitting around doing nothing can cause us guilt but the recovery from injury takes time. We need to follow doctor’s orders and not push ourselves to do things that might throw us backwards. Patience is important and logic helps us to be patient till we are again well enough.

as I mentioned before I became injured
resulting in a dislocated shoulder
I took it easy with my arm in a sling
but I miscalculated the recovery time from injury
thinking that after few days I’d be able to be over the pain
it is now 5 weeks since the event and although
I have vegged out and rested and all that
I am still not altogether well and am still in pain
how wrong could I be?
nevertheless I am prepared to rest some more

Arm in sling, photo by Jacque Stengel, United States, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/618476

I have not written regular posts recently because I have been preoccupied with other priorities and because, more recently, I dislocated my shoulder. When life intervenes we reorganise our priorities to cope with the obstacles and eventually we learn to ‘go with the flow’ until everything is sorted out once more. As I live on my own, I had often wondered how I would manage should something serious happen to me. Well last week I found out. I tripped and felt the horrendous pain as my shoulder became dislocated. As I sat on the floor moaning and groaning holding onto my injured shoulder I manage to reach my mobile and call 000, twenty minutes after which I was picked up by an ambulance and taken to St Vincents Hospital Emergency. I was Xrayed and under anaesthetic they took care of the injury. My arm is in a sling and I am on the mend. The point I am making is that when life intervenes we can manage to ‘dust ourselves off and start all over again’.

Children can get bored easily unless there are games to occupy them or they have the full attention of those they are with. However, it is important that they learn how to participate politely so that they get the attention of everyone instead of monopolising the attention of one person, usually a parent. In this way teaching respect helps them to learn how to entertain themselves. It’s a socialisation skill they need to learn as early as possible.

usually when her mother becomes involved
in a conversation with a friend  then
6 year old Angela would whisper in her ear
it was her first attempt at holding her mother’s attention
but Julie knew the dance well and she would
look at Angela in her eyes and remind her
that if she had something important to say she
would need to say excuse me and wait
otherwise she could do something else until
her mother was free to talk to her
I could see that Julie’s parenting skills
were teaching respect and in the long run
would help Angela develop good life strategies
instead of demanding that others make her happy

There is no use blaming others for our misery because happiness is in our own power. In other words whether we are happy or not depends entirely on our own decisions and perceptions. Other people can try to make us happy or unhappy but we allow them to impact us in whichever way. So make a plan to bring happiness into your life and live fully and blissfully.

Ellen is in her 80s and was an exceptionally
beautiful and talented women in her youth
but most of her life she has been miserable
when asked why this is so she replies that
happiness has eluded her and
misfortune has left its mark on her!
she cannot see that it has been this belief
that has caused her to miss any opportunities
at having happiness and fulfillment and
to this day still blames everyone and everything
for missing out on life’s joys
what a waste of talent and beauty?!

Sweet, photo by jesusroxs, United States

It is vital to not give up on our goals. Just because they don’t easily come true does not mean they won’t later, so keep visualising what you dream. Don’t expect it to happen overnight, although it could, just keep affirming what you desire and picture it in your mind’s eye. It’s a form of programming your mind to do what you instruct it to do. Set aside negative thoughts and hang on to the positive ones so that the program stays clear and firm. Visualisation means success

at a Life Strategies Workshop I joined other participants in
planning a personal goal to manage my finances better
I had a habit of spending money as soon as it came to me
whether I was being slap happy with my spending or not
that is disputable!
what was not disputable was that money came to me
and as it did I spent it, not leaving much for emergencies
I changed my way of thinking and visualised that
I would make sure I created a ‘kitty’
it took one and half years to do just that
but now I am visualising getting another car
smaller and more efficient to run
in the meantime the visualisation for becoming healthy
in my food addiction recovery has eventuated

To be happy we need to have purpose and direction in life. Planning a timetable can create the feeling of productivity which leads to happiness and contentment. Of course, it is important that we avoid making lists which we don’t act on. Sometimes that happens when we feel anxious and in making the list we gain relief but not carrying out the tasks we can feel unnecessarily guilty and is self-defeating.

she made a list and backed it up with the
relevant affirmations but
on a daily basis she only achieved
one or two tasks off the list!
that led to the realisation that
not only was she suffering from burnout but at least
on the bright side she was doing one or two tasks at a time
which made her feel better, little by little
nevertheless purpose and direction lessened the stress
and the outcome was rewarding

I have written several posts on procrastination because it is such a traumatic experience and common to many of us. Procrastination affects us differently – some worse than others, as can be seen by Terry’s comment below. Regardless of how immobilised you feel when procrastination takes hold, there are different strategies that you can choose from to assist you. The most effective technique or strategy is that you learn how to relax so as to let go of the fear the task is causing you. Then give yourself permission to wait until you feel ready to begin. Plan a small step to begin your task once you have relaxed – the momentum will overcome your procrastination. You can find what works for you or you can choose to be a victim of procrastination. You may need some professional assistance to overcome the block.

What about when the procrastination paralyses you and when you are unprepared you perform badly and feel awful and embarrassed. Its as if something inside is hoping for failure. Or when you have a deadline for a task and leave it till the last minute and the stress builds up but there is a block to complete the task. Terry

me myself and i, photo by Davide Farabegoli, Milano, Italy, howto relax