Comments on: the loss of a parent

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 04:21:52 +0000

Hello, I my self have been googleing all night too…
My husband has lost his mother 4 years ago to day.
I love him so much and I know no matter what I say its not going help him.
He tells me (you will never know a lost like mine)
I have. Been through this I my self have lost my grate grand dad when I was 8 whom I
Was vary close too. I just did get over this lost just 5 years ago.
But with all the grife he has. He is not like the man I married.
So mad and all ways a glass 1/2 hafe emtie kind of guy.
Is there anything I can do to save him?
I need him to live a full life and not
I shell of a life that once lived. No matter
What I will stan by him.

By: Affie Adagio

Affie Adagio — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 04:03:17 +0000

@ Rita. Such a loss can cause the varied responses which you are experiencing and I feel for you as it is a painful loss that seems never-ending. This process also triggers off unresolved issues from past losses too. So it is a double whammie at times. All I can say is make sure you get some grief counselling because no matter how often you need to repeat yourself about the pain then a counsellor is trained and equipped to support you, whereas friends and family can become a bit tired of the repetition that is required for the healing.

By: Rita

Rita — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:03:02 +0000

Hi Affie,
It is 3am and I’ve been Google searching ‘New Beginnings’since 2am. My dad died 3 months ago and he meant the world to me. I know I have been blessed to have him live for 88 years. Watching my mum’s grief after 65 amazing years of marriage is difficult but I’m finding the triggers for my emotions are so varied and often happen at unexpected times and in unexpected places. I have experienced a loss which I didn’t see coming (marriage – infedelity) and was able to move on in time. I know time will heal and I guess I need to be guided from within. Thanks for the chance to chat.

By: Unresolved grief issues » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 11:47:00 +0000

[...] Letitia made this comment when I wrote about the loss of a parent and my response is that awareness is 50% of the solution to a problem. So if we are aware of our unresolved grief issues then we can avoid letting them contaminate our relationships and turning them into dysfunctionality and/or love addiction. With unresolved grief issues it is difficult to avoid loving someone who subconsciously reminds us of our parents, whether it’s a loving parent or a punishing parent. This is, mainly because we search to find either a replacement for the loving parent whom we miss, or the punishing parent whose approval we seek. That is why grief counselling is vital, so that we stand a better chance of developing healthy loving relationships. Site search tags dysfunctional lost love love addiction loving parent loving relationships parents [...]

By: Affie

Affie — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 11:05:25 +0000

Hi Letitia,
Thank you for your words. I have responded to your comment in the post called unresolved grief issues of 13.7.06

By: Letitia McCown

Letitia McCown — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 13:28:40 +0000

I am wondering how much the loss of a parent contributes to a new, hopeful. but tentative relationship becoming dysfunctional and morphing into a love addiction.