Dr Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

specialising in dependencies: compulsions and recovery

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Addiction is lying

Filed under: Compulsion & Recovery — Affie Adagio at 11:01 pm on Sunday, October 8, 2006

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cat 1, photo by, João Estêvão A. de Freitas, Santa Cruz, Portugal,  look insideA main symptom of addiction is lying. Lying to yourself (denial) and lying to others. ‘The eyes are the windows to the soul’, that’s how the expression goes and it’s real. When addicts lie they believe that others can’t tell that they are not telling the truth. That is why it is important to communicate what we see to an addict instead of being too embarrassed to say that they look stoned, drunk or that they seem to be concealing something. The best way to do that is to say that their eyes are giving the game away and then let go of the outcome. In other words, don’t expect an addict to own up straight off. Instead say what you see and feel, and then be prepared to walk away rather than argue the point.

I was running a halfway house meeting
for men in recovery from drug addiction
one of the guys came late and made a feeble excuse
and his behaviour was suspicious
I felt uncomfortable and so I asked him
what he had used?
he denied it vehemently
addiction is lying
I then repeated my question, unemotionally
and he owned up that he had used codeine
saying that usually he got away with his lies
I then offered to take him to a detox unit
as the house rule stipulated so that
he would be given one more chance
to come back
I had trusted my gut feeling and
he gave up the lie
it’s as simple as that!

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7 Comments »

Comment by John

January 8, 2007 @ 9:27 am

Hi,
I am a codeine addict & have been for over 15 years. Its true that you actually believe the lie. I have over this period convinced many doctors of my imaginary migraine beacuse I myself get into the same mindset.

It is also true that most doctors are not too concerned or wary to notice but I have come across some Drs who have seen through my act. Some care & offer assistance but sadly most of them just kick you out & say “not in my practice sonny”.

I totally take responsibility for my actions. I am an addict & though I have tried to get off it it appears I am either too weak or do not want to. I can honestly say I do not know which it is. In anycase Drs that don’t at least offer assistance if they know there is a problem should not be allowed to practice. There is no excuse if you are a medical practioner & does nothing about an obvious illness. It may sound like I am shifting blame but if they are not even trying then how is someone with an obvious issue going to get help.

Pingback by Addiction is a disease » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

January 12, 2007 @ 12:56 am

[...] John’s comments show us how with his codeine addiction it was so important that he be offered help because addiction is a disease. The person afflicted needs help, not being ridiculed or turned away. It is true an addict is prone to lie about using, nevertheless, when we bravely challenge what we see and offer assistance, then they stand a chance for recovery. After that it’s their choice how committed they are once they are provided with the information necessary to make the appropriate choices. John said that some doctor’s he could fool with claims of a migraine in order to get the codeine other doctor’s just ridiculed him and sent him on his way but he could have benefited greatly from information and options on how to get himself in recovery from his addiction doctors are in the position to influence people to get well from the insanity of the disease of addiction Site search tags addiction attitude back to basics biological condition broken trust choices commitment compulsion cope counselling depressed dishonesty dysfunctional emotional trauma learning curve medication miserable life peace of mind perseverence persistance personal power plan of action proactive role model sanity self help self hypnosis sense of humour serenity smile smooth transition straight from the heart success support therapy trust [...]

Comment by Affie

January 12, 2007 @ 12:59 am

Thanks John for your comments I wrote a post called “Addiction is a disease” as a result.

Comment by Louanne

September 11, 2007 @ 11:07 am

I believe my husband is an addict, but he will deny it with such passion. The facts and witnesses expose his lies again and again. He recently told lies about me and my daughters to his family to cover up his lies. Its such an unbelievable tangle of lies. I get so fed up, I threaten divorce. He cowers and cleans up his act for a while, but I know he doesn’t have the personal strength to do it himself and he will not admit the true problem to get the appropriate care. I’m in such a dilemma. I would LOVE to be free from this man, but I look for answers in the bible and I believe it says to work it out. I see a lifetime of struggle and unhappiness with this man. Is that what my path is to stay in a close walk with God?

Pingback by Lying a symptom of addiction » Dr Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

September 23, 2007 @ 12:56 am

[...] wrote in response to my post on addiction is lying how she believes her husband is an addict and lies. When she threatens divorce “cleans up his [...]

Comment by sam

March 2, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

my partner is a morphine addict,l love him so much but l feel so lost at times,,l see him stoned over and over till his falling over and remembers nothing,l feel this cant be good for his heart and in the mean time its tearing mine apart to see him like this,his told him his not touched anything for over a month now but again l see that as a lie,,he will swear his not stoned,lie straight to my face,when l can see his off his face,,the doctors should be ashamed to hand out suck a powerful drug to people who they know will abuse them,,this isnt just his addiction now,,this is my whole familys problem,yet no one sees that

Comment by Affie Adagio

March 10, 2008 @ 9:45 pm

@Sam: you are in a miserably situation so what are you going to do about it? Just suffering and doubting what your eyes and intuition tell you will only cost you your health and sanity.

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