Dr Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Comment by sam

January 20, 2006 @ 6:47 pm

The feeling of an immense loss is so hard to deal with. To be told that after 17 years that now nothing is left is shattering. No clue no hint it just is. Two children whose world has been ripped from under their feet. Security and protection is gone. How do I pull myself up from the biggest low I have felt in my life? Waiting for him to come back and say its alright I made a mistake. I want to feel anger, it would be easier to hate him, still loving him makes it so hard. I hate what he has done but I can’t hate him.

Comment by Paul

March 31, 2006 @ 1:13 pm

Your comment was accidently jammed in the system and it’s been freed now.

I know that shocked feeling both as a child and an adult.

Has the passing of time eased the pain or reduced the love?

Comment by Affie

April 10, 2006 @ 10:54 pm

Sam, It is truly tragic to be surprised by the betrayal of someone you loved and trusted for 17 years. You are wise, to separate the person from the behaviour and hate what he’s done but not hate him because in this way the hatred will not eat at you. May your pain diminish without his return so that you may find the strength in yourself that you know is there. Affie

Pingback by Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer » Sam’s loss

April 10, 2006 @ 11:59 pm

[...] When Sam wrote about the betrayal she felt from the loss of her love of 17 years and how it affected the children too, my heart went out to her. We have all experienced betrayal – some of us not expecting it and others finding it the end of much misery. Nevertheless, we dream of the possibility of the offender returning and making a soulful remorseful apology. Unfortunately, waiting for the offender to come back and make us feel worthy is an unrealistic expectation because even if they do just that our worthiness needs to come from within not from them. Sam was wise to separate him from his behaviour and although she hated what he did, she did not hate him. In that way her self esteem is enhanced and she will have a faster recovery from her emotional trauma because it is not dependent on him. [...]